We Got Sponsored!

Great news everyone! Our intrepid investigative reporting from yesterday got us noticed by the Obama White House Office of Trivial Online Affairs, headed by David Axelrod, and contributing editors will now be compensated for our effort. They said that they have been impressed with our work for a while now, and our efforts keeping the PUMAs at bay have been instrumental to them in getting their legislation passed.

So in return, bettycracker, Johnd, and I will now be paid a weekly stipend to suppress the PUMA threat. If any other blogstalkers are interested in getting paid, apparently they also pay for each comment you leave at a PUMA site. They said that even though most are moderated, keeping PUMAs busy searching the spam folder is how they slip legislation through without opposition. They pay per comment, and they pay double if the comment lasts more than thirty minutes. Also, they know exactly how much to pay you because they monitor and control the entire internet. Illegally, of course, but they’re putting a bill through congress right now to make it all nice and legal.

Oh, and don’t tell the PUMAs about our arrangement. They think there are only 400 paid bloggers, and if they found out that there are actually 372,294 of us, they would totally tell the media and then the jig would be up. So keep a lid on it. At least until 2011, when Operation Condor goes into effect, and we won’t need the media.

PS- Don’t tell anyone about Operation Condor either.

Candidate Endorsement: Vote Mimi Planas For Miami Dade District 10 County Commissioner!

**I am making this post a sticky cause it’s so damn good**

*UPDATE AS OF 7-21-09, LEAVE COMMENTS FOR MIMI HERE >>>http://www.tips-q.com/news/msm/990568-miriam-mimi-planas-lesbian-mom-activist-announces-candidacy-miami-dade-county-commis

This is a very exciting day here at Stupid PUMAs! and for the whole BADASS PAC community. I am pleased to announce that without consulting the other editors here, Stupid PUMAs! is endorsing Miriam “Mimi” Planas for Miami Dade District 10 County Commissioner.

You might be wondering why I would care about who gets elected to the county commission from district 10 in Miami Dade county, hundreds (or thousands) of miles from where I live, I mean, talk about local control! Well, I’ll tell you, and it’s not just because her website is so awesome. I hate the residents of Miami Dade county district 10. I hate them all. They’re mean and stupid, and deserve to be ruled by idiots.

Therefore, I heartily join my friends at PUMA PAC in endorsing Mimi Planas for district 10 commissioner. After all, anybody who freely identifies themselves as a PUMA is assuredly as stupid as the day is long. But how much of a PUMA is Mimi Planas? Let’s check the Google for “mimi1020.”

1. Voted for McCain/Palin? Check.
2. Campaigned for McCain/Palin? Check.
3. Donated money to PUMA PAC? Check.
4. Participated in PUMA Prowls? Check.
5. Refuses to write “Obama,” opting instead for “Oblowme?” Check.
6. Rejects that Obama is the first African-American president because he is a “mulato(sic)?” Check.
7. Contends that Obama is not a US citizen and faked his birth certificate, and a supporter of Phil Berg’s birther lawsuit? Check.
8. Believed in the “Whitey tape?” Check!!
9. Declared Obama “unelectable.” Check. Declared Obama “unelectable” less than a month before the election while obama was winning nationally by 8-10 points? Check.
10. Believed “internal McCain polls” on November 2nd predicitng a McCain landslide? ROTFLMAO-Check.
11. Believes that ACORN stole the election for Obama? Check.
12. Barely literate? (“The koolaid drinkers are rampid(sic) over there!”) Check.
13. Believes that aspiring domestic terrorist jenniforhillary “sooooo rock(s)”? Check.
14. Owns a computer with a sticky caps lock key? CHECK. CHECK.

As you can see, there is nobody less qualified to rule the horrible people of Miami Dade county district 10 than Mimi Planas, and we should all support her candidacy. She clearly has the media savy necessary for hardball Florida politics. Just check out this letter she wrote all by herself to the news media last August (Note, all spelling mistakes and grammatical errors are in the original.)

#653 mimi1020 on 08.25.08 at 3:11 pm
Hi Guys,

Here is the letter that I put together for the news media, let me know what you think. Thanks!

8/25/08

Dear Media Personnel,

I believe the time has come for ALL News media outlets
to start reporting the THE TRUTH, THE FACTS – THE NEWS!

On August 21, 2008 a Federal Law Suit was filed in Pennsylvania
By Attorney Phil Berg. All of the details of this law suit are available
On the following website: obamacrimes.com.

This jist of it is that Barak Obama is being sued for several reason but the
main complaint is that he is NOT ELIGIBLE to run for the Presidency of the
United States of America. He is either NOT a citizen or holds DUAL citizenships which, as you may know, renders one ineligible to run for President of the United States.

Another main complaint in the law suit is that Barak Obama has indeed lied
onn his bar application when asked what other name he has legally been known by, his response was “none”. We all know this is NOT the case. He was legally known as Barry Soetero for quite some time during his residency in Indonesia. This is fraudulent and
unacceptable.

One last complaint to notice is that the Birth Certificate posted on his Web page is a FAKE. It has been deemed as altered by 3 forensic experts. The original name on that Birth Certificate is his sister’s name – NOT HIS. This is fraudulent and unacceptable.

Please investigate the matter as there are millions of people already aware of these facts and it makes your news station look like completely incompetent news reporters.

We will be following up with this matter soon.

Thank you,

PUMA Democrats

In her defense, I know plenty of reasonable, intelligent people who believe that “lawsuit” is two words.

I hope you will join me in supporting Mimi Planas for district 10 commissioner. After all, the incumbent HAS A PENIS!!!!! What else do you need to know people?!

PUMAs, in Their Own Words

Seriously (a PUMA) writing at The Confluence:

Seriously, on April 8th, 2009 at 3:50 am Said:

I think that for people who don’t have much going on in their lives, finding a sense of community on the Internet gets blown out of proportion. For some of the more obsessed Obots, first they felt validated by finding plastic Jesus, then even more so by finding other like minded people. And like myiq says, it creates a form of tribalism–this void in their lives has been filled by this virtual community, and they grossly overreact and man the barricades in response to any perceived threat. It was pretty clear how overrinvested and lacking in perspective some of these people were t during the primary when they were calling people’s bosses and so on

Oh wait, she was talking about us? Because it really seems to explain their community better…

I know that none of us “blogstalkers” seek each other out in real life to cry or commiserate. We enjoy laughing at the PUMAs, but that’s pretty much it. It’s not a community that shares anything other than a severe case of SIWOTI syndrome.

Tears of a clown

Earlier this week, Kevin K at Rumproast definitively exposed Confluence front-pager Myiq2xu (aka Meatprod4u) as a fraud and a hypocrite. Meatprod has now published a long, whiny screed that fails to rebut the charge of hypocrisy but will likely succeed in misdirecting the more credulous members of his audience.

But let’s be clear about what’s at issue here: Contrary to the implications of the whiny screed, no one is trying to drive Meatprod out of the blogosphere, reveal his true identity or hold him to impossible standards of decorum. No, the point is to illustrate that Meatprod is a hypocrite and a fraud, and nothing in the whiny screed refutes that fact: Meatprod constantly trumpets his own feminist credentials and denounces others as hopeless misogynists and dastardly sexists for transgressions that are mild in comparison to his own.

Of course, Meatprod fails to review the comments that he apparently finds shameful in the whiny screed — the whole point is to distract the audience he’s spent months convincing that he’s an uber-feminist who bravely calls out others for sexism and misogyny, after all. So let’s summarize what Meatprod, feminist avenger, said in a Balloon Juice comment thread centered on Miss Teen South Carolina’s disastrous flailing during a question portion of a beauty contest:

myiq2xu August 27th, 2007 at 12:44 pm

Just stare at her boobs and don’t pay any attention to what she says. If she talks too much put something in her mouth.

She needs to marry a rocket scientist so her kids will be half-wits.

Andrew August 27th, 2007 at 3:53 pm

Her reoccurring use of “such as” is a result of a dialog coach training her out of rampant use of the word “like”. They instruct kids to substitute “such as” for “like”. She must not have had this coaching trick for very long. Do they use an electro-shock collar for this conditioning process?

myiq2xu August 27th, 2007 at 3:59 pm

Do they use an electro-shock collar for this conditioning process?

They hit her in the back of the throat with the meat prod.

myiq2xu August 27th, 2007 at 5:05 pm

That training coach better have earned himself the pink slip for this one. If his job was to rid her of the “like”s, AND make her sound intelligent…well…uh…not so much.

The deficiency with the meat prod method is that the teacher has an obvious conflict of interest.

myiq2xu August 27th, 2007 at 5:14 pm

I discovered that if you turn the volume all the way down before playing the clip her performance improves dramatically.

I hope she won.

Meatprod explains this away by owning that he’s a “semi-civilized guy with a raunchy, politically incorrect sense of humor” and citing the audience he was addressing, imagining somehow that the Balloon Juice crew is less refined and genteel than The Confluence readers.

And you know, I’m sure none of us are 100% proud of everything we’ve ever said online; I know I’m not. But the thing is, we don’t all set ourselves up as the final arbiters of acceptable feminist speech and behavior, whereas Meatprod — and so many of his PUMA fellow travelers — do.

The “boys will be boys” defense might actually work for someone who didn’t make a specialty of consigning opponents like Obama speechwriter Jon Favreau to misogynist hell forever for the sin of groping a cardboard cut-out. It might work for someone who didn’t condemn Obama as an incorrigible sexist pig for using words like “periodically” and “claws.”

But when you set yourself up as the Torquemada of the Sexism Inquisition and routinely cast others onto the pyre for much smaller transgressions than you yourself have perpetrated, well, you deserve to get singed by your own words. And make no mistake about it, Meatprod was feeling the heat, or he wouldn’t have bothered to post that lame attempt at bamboozlement.

Having already been outed conclusively as a shameless hypocrite, Meatprod goes all in by accusing others of “stalking” him, all the while giving irrefutable evidence of his own “stalking” activities by minutely recounting obscure conversations he’s read on the very blogs he accuses of stalking him. It’s funny in a “self-awareness, lack thereof” kind of way.

Meatprod and his commenters go on to hilariously assert that the people Meatprod and others have obviously monitored so closely must have no lives since they monitor him so closely, etc.  I can’t possibly put it any better than stellar commenter Yetanotherfreakingbrit did here:

That Effluence thread was a contender for the ripest, richest, stinkiest vein of mendacious projection that’s been gathered together in one place in the history of PUMAdom. Substitute “PUMA/s” for “Obots” or (the new buzz hateword) “blog/stalkers” and it’s hilarious how well it applies.

Yep, that about covers it. Meatprod and crew feign mystification as to why anyone would pay attention to PUMA now that the election is over, and that would be a damn good question if they really wondered rather than asking it rhetorically to aggrandize their pathetic selves.

I’ll answer it as if it were an honest question anyway. Firstly, PUMAs are funny in the same way Freepers and RedState posters are amusing. Before PUMAs came along, I used to make fun of wingnuts. And after the PUMA sites are reduced to a few tumbling hairballs blowing through the streets of the ghost town that the PUMAsphere is becoming, I’ll likely go back to laughing at wingnuts full time.

Secondly, I’d like to make sure the several dozen or so PUMAs that exist remain alienated from the Democratic Party. We’re better off without them, and we don’t need them to win. Due to their relatively small numbers, we got rid of them with less pain and cost than we encountered when we shed the Dixiecrats, and with similar improvement to the character of the party itself, albeit on a smaller scale.

A party free of self-righteous hypocrites like Meatprod and incompetents like Murphy is an improved party. A party without people who natter non-stop about the importance of eradicating sexist language but then suck-up to Meatprods is a better party. A party without people who long for bloodshed and violence is a party with stronger character.

So if the PUMA leaders stay out and persuade the lunatic fringe and supremely gullable to stick with them to the bitter end, it’s all good in my book: a stronger Democratic Party and an endless source of amusement. In otherwords, their fail-fail equals my win-win. And the one thing they excel at is fail production.

More Racist PUMA

Jenniforhillary, expounding on the tragedy that is modern day America:

And, more importantly, when will WOMEN, WHITE PEOPLE, AMERICANS WHO DID NOT DRINK THE FUCKING KOOL AID, and the MIDDLE CLASS band together and end the insanity. If not now, if not soon, it will be too late….

Yes, if only white people would get their act together and oppose this negroid monster….

And once again, Darragh Murphy doens’t say a word about it.

Darragh Murphy is a Racist Asshole

This lovely image is featured on the front page over at PUMA PAC, with a link to an Uhuru video tribute of Lovelle Mixon, an LA man who killed 4 police officers. To Murphy, Obama is responsible for all black people, hence the “COP KILLER”/HOPE poster mashup.Now, Murphy doesn’t live in a city, and she’s notoriously ignorant, so she’s probably unaware that the group in the video (and responsible for the video) is part of the Uhuru movement, an African socialist movement. They’re in a lot of cities, and they’re generally assholes. Mumia Abu Jamal sound familiar? He’s their cause celebrè. Anyway, my point is that the Uhuru/APEDF have been around for a while, doing the same inflammatory things, and advocating the same immature agenda. They also “confronted” Obama during the campaign.

But the fact that Uhuru has nothing to do with Obama, and in fact explicitely rejects him because he doesn’t support their agenda, doesn’t matter to Murphy. All black people are responsible for all black people.

Murphy writes:

did electing a black man president mean the country agreed to treat the most racist/homophobic/violent/misogynistic and historically incoherent strains of black popular and intellectual culture as MAINSTREAM??

So the thinking of Jeremiad Wright is now acceptable?

Darragh, you’re a racist asshole. And you’re too stupid to realize it.

I didn’t intend to blog so much today, but stupid calls.
————————————————–
[UPDATE]

Looks like Darragh noticed us!

oops, looks like the idiots at one of our stalker sites has betrayed his stupidity. He thinks *I* made that obnoxious image at the top of this post.

the stupidity is cute, in a rabbity, ferocious, and feral sort of way . . .

yip! yip! yip!

Hmmmm. I’m trying to figure out how Darragh could have read this post and come away thinking I said she made that image. If I can read what I wrote correctly (and I, for one, can), I make no such accusation. I wrote that Murphy “featured” the image on the front page of her blog. See comments for more.

First They Ignore You, Then They Laugh at You, Then You Compare Yourself to Ghandi, Then You Fade Into Obscurity

Well, not Ghandi this time, just the suffragettes, civil rights activists, and Tommie Smith and John Carlos. Because nothing screams “PUMA!” like the black power salute. This is just another in a long line of grandiose and delusional comparisons by the PUMAs of themselves to historical figures with a positive impact on society. This time it came with such added stupidity that I just had to point it out.

First, here’s murphy:

Others say we should shut up and stop calling the president of the United States a “jackass” or a “dumbass” or an “O’logo” or an “Oblowme” or an “Ojustgoaway.” They try to link our principled opposition to obama and his movement with the despicable views of racists and the discredited theories of cuckoo bird conspiracy theorists.

Even ignoring the racism (we’ve been there many times), murphy is complaining about us trying to link them to the “discredited theories of cuckoo bird conspiracy theorists?” This from the woman that constantly promotes Cinie and her tin foil workshop? Who promotes the black helicopter film “The Obama Deception?” Who links and approves of Riverdaughter, who we found out recently is a 9/11 truther?

“Terrorism might not be entirely preventable and let’s face it, the US was past due for someone to strike us over something, but there was plenty of evidence that the people in charge *knew* 9/11 was coming and they did nothing to stop it. Not only that but some of us believe they let it happen on purpose to usher in their brave new world of unfettered capitalism shock and awe. Maybe they didn’t think it would be so spectacular but the odd passivity of the administration coupled with weird coincidences (military jets on exercise that day? Really?), can make even perfectly sane people reach for the Reynold’s Wrap.”

Yeah, no kooky conspiracy theories over there…

Murphy ends with this bizzarely stupid piece:

Keep being inflammatory Women. Confucian’s mother, who was WAY smarter than he was, said: Well behaved women rarely change history. Or something like that.

I don’t know Murphy well enough to be able to tell if she was kidding, but she’s certainly stupid enough to have made all of these mistakes.

1) It’s not “Confucian’s,” it’s “Confucius’.” The famous Chinese philospher was Confucius, not Confucian.

2) Confucius’ mother? I’m not a scholar of chinese philosophy, but I’m not aware that she was “WAY” smarter than he was. I don’t even know what basis one could possibly have for saying that.

3) The phrase “Well behaved women rarely change history” is not from Confucius, nor from the 5th century BC. It was coined in the 1970’s by Laurel Ulrich, an actual feminist.

4) The actual phrase is “Well behaved women seldom make history.” It’s also the title of one of Ulrich’s recent books. Murphy would do well to read it.

5) Finally, and this one is my favorite, Laurel Ulrich donated a total of $3000 to Obama in 2008, for both the PRIMARY and the general election.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Laurel Ulrich, feminist, author, Harvard professor, is WAY smarter than Darragh Murphy, PUMA PAC founder.

Dear PUMAs

CBS News Poll: Obama Approval Hits New High – 66%

Notice, Darragh, that this is a statistically valid poll run by a reputable organization, as opposed to an AOL “poll.” One is robust enough to draw conclusions about the state of American opinion; one is an online gimmick that only an idiot would use to buttress their opinions.

Filed Under “My Bad”

I’d like to extend an apology to one Brad Mays. I assumed too much, and made an “ass” out of “me” (but not “u”). I stand by my aesthetic criticism of the “Audacity of Democracy” trailer; I don’t think it makes any sense to those even well versed in PUMAdom. However, I was wrong to assume bad faith on Brad’s part, and my critique should be read while keeping in mind that I’ve never seen the film and don’t know fuck about cinema.

He may be associated with PUMA, but he has not only had the courage to respond to criticism and engage those of us in the anti-pumasphere, but he’s actually shown himself to be an eminently reasonable person. Now, it’s not enough to just be an enemy of meatprod4u (danceswithpumas doesn’t like him either), but it’s a good sign. beyond that, though, Brad has demonstrated to well beyond my satisfaction that he’s his own man.

So, I apologize to Brad. I was too quick to criticize, and I appreciate the perspective you bring to this discussion, particularly with your unique experience from your proximity to PUMA. I’m even considering actually paying for a copy of “The Audacity of Democracy.”

Increasingly Bored With PUMAs…

I’ve been absent a few weeks, which is one of the benefits of having such great guest bloggers, and checking back in today I saw Betty’s post below confessing boredom with the PUMAs. I share the sentiment, somewhat. I particularly appreciated Betty’s noting that many of the PUMAs, most notably Darragh Murphy, hold and express supremely contradictory opinions. Their only constant is that Obama is evil and wrong. During the last several months Murphy has championed both Paul Krugman’s critiques of Obama’s stimulus as too small, and the right wing critiques that deny entirely Keynesian stimulus. How could a person who doesn’t believe in Keynesian stimulus think that our stimulus was too small?

Increasingly, debinking PUMAs, or even pointing and laughing, has started to feel like pointing out that Pam Geller is an unhinged lunatic that hates muslims; it’s self-evident, and renders much of the work unnecessary.

However, I still derive an insolent pleasure, on some level, from marveling at how supremely stupid many of these people are. Furthermore, on some level I believe that people like Kim Haas and Darragh Murphy are so stupid and insane that their current derangement shouldn’t be forgotten when they get sick of PUMA blogging. When Kim Haas runs for school board, I want people to be able to google her and discover that she’s a raving lunatic. When Darragh Murphy runs for city council in Carlisle, MA, I want people to be able to discover quickly just how intellectually dishonest and deficient she is. It’s only fair to everyone.

I was sick for a week and a half, and I need a PUMA-break every once in a while, but I’m back. I’ve got a couple things I’ve meant to blog about in the works, but it’s tough, because I can’t even hope to keep up with the rate of stupid they churn out.

In the meantime, check out Kevin K.’s massive take down of the turd formerly known as myiq2xu (now known as meatprod4u). Meatprod is not just a hypocritical PUMA douchebag, but he’s actually such a sexist asshole that I would probably punch him in the face if I ever ran into him at a party. Of course, he’s probably too much of a sniveling shitbag to speak as boisterously in person as he does online.