Great news everyone! Our intrepid investigative reporting from yesterday got us noticed by the Obama White House Office of Trivial Online Affairs, headed by David Axelrod, and contributing editors will now be compensated for our effort. They said that they have been impressed with our work for a while now, and our efforts keeping the PUMAs at bay have been instrumental to them in getting their legislation passed.
So in return, bettycracker, Johnd, and I will now be paid a weekly stipend to suppress the PUMA threat. If any other blogstalkers are interested in getting paid, apparently they also pay for each comment you leave at a PUMA site. They said that even though most are moderated, keeping PUMAs busy searching the spam folder is how they slip legislation through without opposition. They pay per comment, and they pay double if the comment lasts more than thirty minutes. Also, they know exactly how much to pay you because they monitor and control the entire internet. Illegally, of course, but they’re putting a bill through congress right now to make it all nice and legal.
Oh, and don’t tell the PUMAs about our arrangement. They think there are only 400 paid bloggers, and if they found out that there are actually 372,294 of us, they would totally tell the media and then the jig would be up. So keep a lid on it. At least until 2011, when Operation Condor goes into effect, and we won’t need the media.
PS- Don’t tell anyone about Operation Condor either.